You know, I think that serving looks different in a lot of different relationships around. Looks different in a lot of different cultures and homes. But serving one, another is an action and it takes courage to show action in relationship because what I have learned in 14 years and I don't have all the answer is that, there are a lot of times That I do not want to serve him because I've been serving kids and the home and the needs. And so sometimes it's very easy for me to give my spouse. My leftovers, and I have nothing left to give. And if I'm being honest, there has been an expression of I've used in our relationship where he is trying to connect with me, he's trying to have a chat. Chat with me at night and I am I I have nothing left to serve or to give the I think in the way that Christ has given everything an example of great generosity for us, it came from a place of love and it was his real. It was God's response to Father's. It's to send his love to give to us. And so I think sometimes in order for me to serve him, I have to first spend time with Jesus because then I get a revelation of love and then I'm able to be a dispenser of love to others. So in order for me to give give I have to get and I have to be able you know, we're on the plane and it says, you know, you have to first give The oxygen mouth mask to yourself, before you give it to your children, you have to be able to breathe. And to know that Christ is fueling you before. You're fueling your partner. So, in order to serve, I have to learn what it is to sit in his presence, but we have to serve one another. Yeah. It reminds me of a saying all marriage unhappiness. Is rooted in selfishness. And all there is happiness, is rooted in selflessness. So if you want your marriage to be great, rooted in serving, is it saying we say in church, if you're too big to serve, you're too small to lead and that's not just true for church. That's true for marriage. And so the moment you stop serving one another, the moment you start wanting to be served, it's like that.
Illustration seem like a movie with some. Is feeding them grapes and someone's Fanny them and someone you know, loving them taking care of them in marriage. We're not looking to receive that, we're looking to do that. What would your marriage look like if you made a competition, who can out serve the other Because we service serving, when the, are you black? Jesus goes. Hey, I just want to make sure you guys call me the bastards, right? I'm the master they go. Yeah, you're the best, okay? If I'm the master and I washed feet, you should go to the safe, Jesus. The son of man said, I do not come to be served. I came to serve and to give my life as a ransom for many. So, Jesus is the model of sir. Serving one another. And the problem for most marriages is with selfishness is embedded or selfishness starts to be played out. Kiss It, Goodbye. All of a sudden, we got the conflict. We're at odds. We're we got animosity. We got, we got, you know, bitterness what? Because we got selfishness by the way. We've got a lot of children. I always thought Juliet, we have two too many. That's terrible. We better bring it to. We had two too many. But all four of my kids, not no one ever taught, my kids how to be selfish. They were born selfish. There are more to your old habits as yours. Yeah. They say, my, my, my point, my scream, my iPad, my mother. They think that she is this, she is my keep my kids out of my room all the time chat. No one, listen, you are born selfish, you are born again, generous, the spirit of God, the spirit of Jesus causes you to serve What we love the fruits of the spirit love joy, peace patience. Kindness goodness self-control all suffer. We love the, where's the fruit? Come from the root which is a relationship with the Holy Spirit and other words, you cannot walk with Jesus and be selfish in your marriage. Because Jesus will correct you. It's like reading the Bible. What I read the Bible, if I reading it or is it reading me? That's why I love. Second Timothy, 3:16. All scripture is god-breathed all scripture is god-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking correcting and training in righteousness. So that the man, one woman of God, may be fully equipped to do every good work. In other words for the bye. I was telling us when we read the Bible, it tells me what to do, what not to do and what to do when I haven't been doing, what I'm supposed to be doing. In other words, the Bible until you stop being selfish start being serving, Amen to that. So we cannot sustain and be selfish, we've got to serve one another right now. Number two, you gotta forgive one another Easier said than done. And I used to think that I was a quick forgiver. I always said, I'd get over things real fast, but I learned that real forgiveness takes a lot more work, and there were things that I didn't realize that I harbored in my heart, when Chad says, you know, we're supposed to love a supposed to keep no record of wrong, right? I had a long record. I have a written record. I, you know, I just, I knew he was so good with his words that he was such a good debater. And, you know, fire, I get kind of emotional because I would feel defeated. So he would just, you know, just get on like this little like momentum Trail. He go the hood and I would just begin to Tear up, because This is what I desire peace out of my eye. So I would cry and I would feel defeated and then I would just get loud so I would cry and get loud and it served no purpose but this is this is my tactic this was all I had this is all I have against you know with all the man of words here and so I finally was like okay I gotta get some skills, I got trained myself up to and so our first argument where I I got really bold and I started to communicate back to him like properly, debating, He Slipped to me and he smiled, I mean, this is just cruel and he starts clapping. I can work with unlike that, you know, you. But when we're born, I don't know if you have heard this before, we are born with two natural fear. Ears. Has anyone ever heard this before? We are born with the fear of falling and the fear of loud noises, and I really believe that God plays this within us at desire to be held and a desire for peace. And a lot of times that that's violated through relationship. No, maybe you're here and that was violated in a scenario where You were young and that happens to you and I am so very sorry and I am convinced that God wants to remind you that he is an example of a perfect father and the perfect person to trust and to love. But the thing is is sometimes and I grew up in a home where there was a lot of loud, there was a lot of noise and sometimes I wanted I wanted to just create peace so I would say A sure, I'm sorry, I forgive you because I just wanted this desire for peace, but what I didn't realize was that there was a need for real forgiveness to take place. Now, we have boys that love if you have driven here, have three or more boys in here, multiple boys. Now, these boys, they can get busy and now, they do not want to forgive one another. So we say, You know, tell him that you're sorry, I'm sorry. You know, I like that does not sound like you're sorry but we have to teach them what important is to actually forgive one another and to what it is to get a proper apology. Listen, I don't know if there's anyone in here who had an improper apology but you can feel it you know it in your bones when they when they eat they're saying I'm sorry but they're not really sorry and the kid they don't want to. I'm sorry, but we have to teach them and our kids model what we do. And so, we real forgiveness is evident to our children. They know what it is. They call our kids called squabbling, Mom, are you and Dad squabbling? I was like, what? What do you what do you mean squabbling? They're like, are you guys arguing? Because they can feel that there's not real forgiveness in. In the home. So good. I think you know, we have to remember that for forgiveness is a gift. And it is first a gift to you, it s to the other, you're giving yourself a gift you know what do they say about unforgiveness? Unforgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting the other one to die and how foolish is that? So when you don't walk in forgiveness, you're affecting you more than anybody else and it's affecting your whole life. That's why Hebrews says the writer of Hebrews says do not. Let bitterness take root. Otherwise it will spring up and cause all kinds of trouble. That's why in most marriages are my debts. In this years ago we lose more marriages to offense than the you Affairs. There's more marriages that are lost. Over a fence. Over to cheating is you got to work? Like I don't need to be concerned about cheating. I think that CERN about you harboring unforgiveness, you got to let that thing go Ruth Grail, the great event of angels Billy Graham, his wife are said a great marriage. It's made up of two, great rivers. And for givers
You know, it may be Who hardship, life years, kids finances, all that. Whenever you've dumped her, you lost your legs. You got to get your corrective lenses, back to see the good in the other person. Remember, your spouse needs to hear more of who they are. Not who they're not. They have to hear who they are. I love, I love your faith. I Love Your Excellence. I love the way you serve. I love the parent that you are. Oh, I love the way you cook. I love how hard you work. I love it. When you work out, they get to keep. You need to encourage glass with your word, power of life and death, and so see them in the like I love this first Petros, first Peter 3, I've of this up, summing it up. So, meet up be agreeable, sympathetic, loving compassionate, humble that goes for all of you, no exceptions, no retaliation. Ian, no. Sharp tongue sarcasm, instead bless. That's your job to bless. You'll be a blessing. And also get a blessing. Whoever wants to embrace life and see the day, fill up with good. Here's what you do, say, nothing, evil, nothing. Hurtful snuff, evil cultivate, good run. After peace for all your work, God looks on this with approval listening and responding well to what he says. Ask. But he turned his back on those who do evil things. And that's just good reading right there in the, you got it, you got it. What is God wants? Does God see your unrighteousness?
He has hidden you in Christ, when God looks at you, he cannot even see your sin. He sees Jesus. He made him who knew no sin to become sin. For us that we might become the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus. So God looks at me with love and smile because he sees Jesus. How do you look at your spouse? You see his dishes and you store all night? No you have to look and see the good. Yeah, it's I apologize.
Number 5, laughs with one another. Let's all laugh together on the count of three, one, two, three. We have all seen the studies that laughing is the is good. For our physical body or mental, our mental stay our brain health. And last name is a choice is a choice. We had a unique prophetic word, be spoken over us, this last summer and just like the rest of the world. It's been a unique time for churches and for pastors and for leaders. These leaders of Business Leaders in the church within the last couple of years. And we've carried things heavier. We have thought about things and we haven't been able to live life as free and as full as we did before the pandemic. Now we had this word where this amazing worship leader. She kept saying over chassis that I'm getting this worse, Her soda and we're like the Sarasota Sarasota Florida. Please don't call us to Sarasota. Whatever you love the city of Los Angeles. Is she said I looked up and I thought this was unique in Sarasota means it's a time for dancing. And I thought that that was so unique because Chad is a average dancer.
And but I bought it with also very specific because God had actually been speaking to me, privately about how we needed to dance in our home more. And this seems like something so silly and so specific. But we have this area and our kitchen. And so I told him I said, I actually think before we got this word, that there needs to be More dancing in front of the children. We need to dance with the children and I love that we started last night with dancer dancing because you can't help but smile even though it's not he active dancing, it's the action that leads to Joy or leads to laughter. It seems like we need to cultivate moments of simple silliness that create happiness and love. Levity and joy and laughter, within our homes and what our kids see, they see an action of choosing Joy. They don't see us talking about work, they don't see us talking about finances. They don't see us just doing the dishes and picking up. They see some abrasion and they see life and what does life and celebration give us. This is one Journey, it gives us energy within our spirit, it gives us ability to have just like the Proverbs 31 Woman, she smiles at the future because she knows that it's bright and beautiful laughter gives us Hope For Tomorrow a gives us the ability to see what. We cannot always see that there's good and there's Beauty on the others. Side. We do. We do this thing. So she's talking about our kitchen, you know? And so we let the boat. The boys are old enough to where, you know, they like certain songs, you know, like from Disney movies or whatnot, and so will that each of them, choose their songs will get, you know, Vol gets a song, I heard a song with boys, get salt and we'll play five songs and we'll just dance, the five songs in our kitchen, and it's become a source of connection has become a source of laughter. And I just love, I always held over two scriptures that God will turn our mourning into dancing. And I've always loved that. Those that sow in tears will reap with songs of joy. And of course, we all love the joy of the Lord is our strength, but I just love that idea of dancing. A celebration of festivity, we serve such a festive, God. He's so particular about parking. He's so in done it. And I wonder, you know, for a lot of berries is when you see disgruntled upset, angry married couples, I always think people go right away was the last time, you know, I would, I would go, was last time they laugh together. You know what? You need to go, see a comedian
We're not doing good if she's slow to laugh at my jokes, how do you build your spouse's bad enough? But when I preach on Sunday you know who's laughing the hardest? You know, who I can, I can hear and see in my purse, my wife is, that's not the church. It could you imagine if on Sunday opportunist she's there like
I mean we're telling the truth that doesn't happen.
No, I think that what you're saying is so true is that we serve a God who is in celebration and I think that's what we're doing this weekend is that we are choosing to invest into our relationships but we're choosing to celebrate one. Another, how much fun is getting together and to laugh with one another to Divine. Another to enjoy each other's company. And I just love that are a, is not just to run quickly, but to run with endurance to finish, well, yes, to finish strong and to enjoy each other. And I want to say something,
To grow better with age and a fine. Wine that hair.
That's a college with her dad. He said, you know, he was messed up. We cont when he first found salvation, he walked out of the Jesus movement meeting. He walked out. He said, he felt he could flip over a car for Jesus. Here's the same arms of me. He does not, he cannot flip over upon. He felt like he was so excited. That is salvation. That is marriage. Cannot lose the joy of being married. So, this weekend is about, I say, thank you, God, for the greatest gift, you've given me outside of Salvation, and that is my spouse. Amen, to that for the gifts that you have given us. We are grateful for these relationships that are represented every marriage, every home, every family that is represented. Here today, that we just thank you that you are blessing and refreshing that we just thank you right now that you are speaking to couples and individuals about how they are going to commit to pursue one another that we thank you for this time that we have together and with you, in Jesus name. Amen.
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